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Man I Love Fossils
I just got back from a short beach vacation. Being at the beach with my kid takes me back to my own childhood. My son is just like me. The entire trip he was searching for shells and putting them in his fanny pack to add to his collection. I was always collecting sea shells…
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Denial garden
I started this past winter facing heavy truths. Something about staying inside and planning for the year felt like an awakening. I don’t get winter depression, if anything I get summer depression. In the winter I can go for a brisk walk, I can make a really good cup of tea, read a book, and…
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Claude
This isn’t about the LLM. My son’s middle name is Claude. He was born before the ai chatbot. We struggled for months to come up with a first name. The middle name was conceived out of nowhere and easy. His father came out from his office and into the living room and he said “What…
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I miss her
Before I was a mother, I was just Chelsea. I was a stupid girl. And I miss that stupid girl. My heart aches for her. She was carefree, silly, and in love with every person she ever met. She even loved people who couldn’t stand her. She was so open that it made some people…
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Time
I have time now. To do some things. Some times. I haven’t written here in years because I was feeding, chasing, cleaning, breathing, crying, sleeping (very very occasionally and inconsistently!), driving, reading, cuddling, laughing, panicking, proofing, cooking, baking, drinking, dancing, playing, planning, coloring, building, decorating, dressing, swimming, exercising, scrolling, and fearing. My son is almost…
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Mom guilt
Everyday I look at my son and wonder if I am a good enough mom for him. I’ve never known a love this strong. I am amazed by him. He is clearly a sensitive, funny, smart, and loving person. His little personality is showing and I truly cannot fully describe the love and admiration I…
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ABZzzz
I haven’t written here in awhile. Post partum depression and anxiety got me good. Those damn hormones. Every day was a battle with my intrusive thoughts, crying, self destructive desires to self isolate, and beating myself up emotionally. I am sorting it out. It comes and goes in waves. You don’t know what it’s like…
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Transitional
It fascinates me that some women are able to completely block out their labor experience. I remember every single second like it was my favorite movie I have seen dozens of times. Which by the way, is When Harry Met Sally but that’s a discussion for a different post entirely. In the moment, it truly…
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A list of crap you actually need for a newborn
When I found out I was pregnant I had all kinds of emotions and thoughts swirling through my head. I binged movies that were either about pregnancy or featured pregnant people – including Knocked Up, What To Expect, and Look Who’s Talking. I watched Where the Heart Is, that classic Natalie Portman cinematic feature where…
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Magical Alien Witch 