Everyday I look at my son and wonder if I am a good enough mom for him. I’ve never known a love this strong. I am amazed by him. He is clearly a sensitive, funny, smart, and loving person. His little personality is showing and I truly cannot fully describe the love and admiration I have for him.

He is teething. One tooth, a peg as they call it, is out. He has a couple others I can see on the surface that will pop out any day now. I can tell it hurts him so much and it breaks my heart. The most comforting thing to him is to be held and distracted. So the other day, despite the warning of an incoming thunderstorm, I went to Target to distract my son and stock up on household items.

Sure enough, as most women do in Target, I lost track of time.

I was in the check out line and heard a loud thunder and internally screamed “Oh fuck!”

The moment we stepped outside with our cart, a downpour began. My mind quickly ran through two scenarios. One in which we stay and watch the rain. I decided that was impossible because he needed to eat soon. The other was I make a mad dash for my car in the rain and I just decided, in the blink of an eye to go with that.

I hated that 30 seconds more than any moment of my labor experience. I was terrified of the cars coming and going, the rain was coming down hard. I didn’t have an umbrella but he had a tiny hood on his ergobaby carrier. I placed him in his carseat as quickly as I could. He looked up at me and started laughing harder than I have ever heard him laugh. He saw mommy in the rain, clearly in distress, and this was amusing to him.

I quickly threw the bags into the backseat and hurled the grocery cart into the cart holder and ran back to the car to buckle him in. He was still laughing so hard. The joy was palpable.

I realize I put us in a somewhat undesirable or unsafe situation due to my own idiocy, but it resulted in the most entertainment he has ever experienced in his 6 months of life. I feel so bad all the time for the smallest things but ultimately I know he loves his mom and he enjoys me even when I am a “bad mom”. I am so thankful to have this incredible little one who shows me a level of love and acceptance I have never known in my life.