When I found out I was pregnant I had all kinds of emotions and thoughts swirling through my head. I binged movies that were either about pregnancy or featured pregnant people – including Knocked Up, What To Expect, and Look Who’s Talking. I watched Where the Heart Is, that classic Natalie Portman cinematic feature where she gives birth in a Wal-mart. Pushing out a baby in aisle 4 seems like a fun quirky kind of traumatic birth experience. I thought her little set up with the sleeping bag and borrowed alarm clock looked shockingly cute and cozy.

The main character Novalee Nation had absolutely nothing. She was in no way prepared to care for an infant. It shocks me how common this is, but then new mothers also run on the other end of the preparation spectrum, purchasing $500 swings, plush and controversial Dock a tots, super fancy cribs that the baby probably won’t use for at least 6 months, and all kinds of toys and gadgets that the baby may or may not need or want at all.

Every baby is different, just like every adult is different. Some love a swaddle, some hate a swaddle. Some want to sleep alone, and some must be held around the clock. Some of them are very chatty, while others are a little bit more quiet. You truly won’t know what your baby is going to be like until they are here in the world. Here is a no bullshit list of what parents actually need for those first few months.

1. A rear facing infant carseat (they won’t let you leave the hospital without it!). You can make an appointment with your local fire department and they will install it for you and walk you through basic safety best practices. I loved my experience and learned so much when I did this during my pregnancy.
2. If you plan on breastfeeding, go to aeroflow’s website and register for a free breast pump through your insurance. I got the Medela Pump in Style and it’s super easy to use – supposedly a hit with first time moms. I recommend getting a small storage cube (like the ones they have for super cheap at Ikea or Target with laundry hampers) to put all your pumping parts in so you can easily move from room to room if you need to. I keep nipple balm, coconut oil, chapstick, and a hairbrush in there as well. I often pump in my living room but occasionally move to the bedroom or office and having it all in one bin is so easy.
3. Even if you don’t plan on formula feeding, be prepared in case you are not producing as much as you would like in those first few weeks. It never hurts to have a small supply of baby formula in the pantry just in case. And if you don’t plan on breastfeeding, go ahead and stock up on formula, bottles, and cleaning supplies.
4. Safe places (plural is key) for your baby to sleep on their back. We were gifted multiple bassinets and we use all of them daily. One by the bed, one in each of our offices, in the living room. It’s so safe and convenient to be able to place him somewhere comfortable at any given moment.
5. A place to change diapers, with some kind of organizational storage for wipes, diapers, and other essentials. An actual formal changing table is not really necessary. You can put a changing pad on top of any dresser or table you wish.
6. An assortment of different kinds of pajamas to see which one your baby prefers.
7. 1 or 2 huge lightweight blankets for swaddling.
8. A bookshelf or dresser to place blankets, infant toys, books, etc.
9. Pacifiers! And buy a few different brands. Your baby will have a favorite and you’ll never know which one that is until they constantly spit out the other ones. Pacifiers are great for helping them soothe themselves during naps, and they are also linked to a decrease risk of SIDS. Note that many doctors recommend waiting a few weeks to use pacifiers if you intend to breastfeed.
10. A bath seat. In that first year they aren’t going to be able to safely support themselves in the tub, but you can still give them spongebaths and regular baths by putting them comfortably in a bath seat. Bath time is really helping my 2 month old sleep better at night so I strongly recommend this!
11. Get your baby some damn hats. Cover their little heads! Especially in the winter – they need to keep their lil heads warm.
12. Burp cloths or just regular old rags – your baby will likely spit up a lot. Get ready to do some laundry.

Pretty much anything else you get is just extra. Swings are cute and fun, but sometimes babies hate them, and they aren’t great for their spine and development so you have to limit their use. Some of them are extremely expensive. We have two swings we barely ever use. I put my baby on the floor all the time (supervised of course) which is recommended by pediatricians all over the world. He can’t fall and he is able to move and safely explore his environment.

Babies mostly just need food, sleep, cuddles, and diaper changes. I personally would recommend prioritizing splurging on stuff that will make mom more comfortable and happy in your post partum months. We got a comfy large sectional which has been the best (design snobs can suck it!). I have friends who bought fancy espresso machines. Buy some bath bombs to use once you’re cleared by the doctor to take hot baths. I made sure to get a couple of super warm, cozy pajama sets and that ended up being so essential to surviving these harsh winter nights staying up with the baby.

Happy comfortable people make loving, attentive parents. Make sure to prepare yourselves with what you need so that you can have to energy to adjust to the baby’s needs when they get here as you get to know them.